This presentation is part of the final of the 2011 Bernie Madeup Prize for Hermeneutics in order to promote peace, goodwill and understanding between Christians and Catholics. The rules of the competition require that a multi-lingual religious specialist discuss topics selected by the other. The order of play was decided using an old 200 Lira San Marino coin. This is a 110% accurate in forecasting. The judges of the competition were the Wholly Trinity of Professor Obreption, Suor Angelika of Mostar and Dame Lavinia Withering of Schwindelstaat. As they say in cricket, the Roman Catholic priest Father Sylvestro Bhunga-Bhaji went into bat for the Vatican.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury
Croeso or Namaste. At this point, the Wholly Trinity intercedes and the McGonigal trans Lateranis switched off. Two minutes of the usual formulae which can be rattled through in Welsh, Italian, English, Malayalam and Tamil. As devout Catholics, we are often faced with the challenge of obedience to authority. I as a pillar of respectability and leader of this wonderful Welsh congregation, which though small in number beats the heart of what it's like to be practicing Catholic in today's world. Let me illustrate this from the Holy Mass which you see before you. We are called to obedience to his Holiness, the vicar of the Kanchi muth, the Shankara Acharya. This is the Welsh for our beloved Pope Benedict. His Eminence Cardinal Cormac received the title on behalf of his Holiness at the Kanchi Abbey, which has been rededicated to Our Lady of the Nut Brown Bhaji.
(cries in Welsh from the Eistedd Moggach: Hail Bhaji, Full of Cumin, Well art thou worthy of the Grace!)
The problem which we all face is that of authority. Our spiritual leader, His Holiness, reveals himself in many ways.
To the children in the congregation (plant) who are playing with their computer games (chwarae), we say to you: do not get yourself into the Tangle of the aisles, form an orderly line to receive the body of Our Lord and Master.
To the old people in the congregation, we say to you: keep playing your bingo, we shall deliver your bhaji at your Neela.
Thus we have proved the trans-substantiation of our sacrifice to the number one Big Yn up there. My closing comment is based on the sacred scripture as authorised by His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, in accepting the new church of Kanchi. As His Holiness has sent us a Bull called Shambo, with an engraving "Tat Tvam Asi". This is freely translated as: you are what you are. This is not to be confused in our youff group with that dreadful anthem of some LGBT (LL Bh C F) which is a commandment which has been removed from the liturgy. This is forbidden amongst devout Catholics and anyone caught saying the expression: 'I am what I am' by the abominable Agnes Gaynor (the Welsh Abomination) will be punished. And now, let us depart in peace. (The congregation shall exit and the second offering will be taken for distribution among the many Catholics who have strayed from the New Liturgy.
Obreption announces that owing to the upcoming Sabbath, the Rev. J. C. Flannel will deliver his sermon on a topic chosen by Father Sylvestro. According to the rules of the Bernard Madeup Trust, Fr Sylvestro has the pick of these abominable Sunday newspapers. It's coming up to midnight in Monaco. Sister Angelika and Dame Lavinia will be reflecting and contemplating the Richter scale at the Grace Kelly Memorial Mansion. For in my Father's house, there are many private rooms ...
Viewers of this blog may like to assist Fr Sylvestro, who feels that Catholics always draw a short straw in life, in suggesting a suitable headline for the Revd. Flannel, the Anglican vicar of Bray (Ireland)