Sunday, 6 February 2011

Muscular liberalism; an obreption

Authors: David Cameron with Angela Merkel

The Prime Minister and the Chancellor met in Munich to sign an important doctrine of muscular liberalism.  In scenes which had echoes of 1938, we have agreed that henceforth there is to be a mono-culture in Europe.  Beige shirts are to be worn by the yoof of the continent.  With the emphasis on muscular liberalism we have decided that both parties will abandon any promises they made to the British and German people on the sacred land of the free. 

In the post-Durkheim analysis of civil religion, we have declared that there is only one leader and that it is Mrs Merkel.  The Cameronian Pipe Band is available for hire and as we have a saying: he who pays the piper, calls the tune.  We are pleased to say that the BBC has been annexed by ZDF and that from tomorrow all BBC radio output will be in German.  We have declared that the Salvation Army will play a selection of melodies, including the third verse of the Deutschlandlied.  A trial run was heard this morning in place of the usual drivel.  Herr Edward Stourton has already been told to sermonise on muscular liberalism, and both Angela and I are delighted to say that Nick Clegg has become our poodle.  

Editors of leading press outlets had better make sure they get this right.  For references to Robert Bellah and Emile Durkheim see the following links on your Volksempfanger:  and 

As an example, the multicultural drivel of the past has been templated for you by our West Highland terrier called Danny:

From tomorrow, we have a new king, Wilhelm V and a new kaiser is my colleague here Dame Angela Knight of Bankers Bonuses.

A special film produced by Lenny der Lowenbrau is to be re-released starring Colin Firth entitled David's Speech to the Masses at the Andechser Brewery.  According to the rules of Durkheim and Bellah, it will be necessary for you to stand at the end of the showing of this wonderful film.

Bertie Battenburg


  1. Will there be a 'fitness' test for this new found muscular liberalism? And are there plans to erect more organs of state to desseminate what it stands for? Could this be Britain's answer to the Cultural Revolution? I think we should be told ....

  2. Thank you for your comments. They have been passed to Mr Hislop for his attention.

    I am glad you enjoyed the King's Speech. I was moved too. You will be pleased to know that at great expense we have obtained the services of an experienced art critic at the cutting edge. Any similarities you make regarding the Spectator are without any semblance or veracity.

  3. Multiculturalism in danger - or a case of victimisation? What do you think, obreption?

    Dispatches Islamic school to complain to Ofcom

  4. I shall give you the answer of these great monotheistic religions:

    Liverpool 10 Manchester United -10
    2 + 2 = 4 by a Scottish accountant called Brown 2 + 2 = 5 by a Welsh accountant called Taff
    2 + 2 = 0 by that tight Yorkshireman called Oik.

    You see, this is called multiculturalism. Now, get a life!

  5. Well, well, who would have thought it! I've just come across a reference to something called "muscular Christianity" as in the following excerpt about the Brits and crying in public:

    "muscular Christianity", which emphasised a vigorous masculinity in the face of anxieties about the decline of the Empire and the degeneration of Britain as a nation."

    Does Mr Cameron have a sub-text to his message, I wonder?

  6. The bigotry of the big society: the tent metaphor taken too far. Discuss