Authors: David Cameron with Angela Merkel
The Prime Minister and the Chancellor met in Munich to sign an important doctrine of muscular liberalism. In scenes which had echoes of 1938, we have agreed that henceforth there is to be a mono-culture in Europe. Beige shirts are to be worn by the yoof of the continent. With the emphasis on muscular liberalism we have decided that both parties will abandon any promises they made to the British and German people on the sacred land of the free.
In the post-Durkheim analysis of civil religion, we have declared that there is only one leader and that it is Mrs Merkel. The Cameronian Pipe Band is available for hire and as we have a saying: he who pays the piper, calls the tune. We are pleased to say that the BBC has been annexed by ZDF and that from tomorrow all BBC radio output will be in German. We have declared that the Salvation Army will play a selection of melodies, including the third verse of the Deutschlandlied. A trial run was heard this morning in place of the usual drivel. Herr Edward Stourton has already been told to sermonise on muscular liberalism, and both Angela and I are delighted to say that Nick Clegg has become our poodle.
Editors of leading press outlets had better make sure they get this right. For references to Robert Bellah and Emile Durkheim see the following links on your Volksempfanger: http://www.robertbellah.com/bibliography.htm and http://science.jrank.org/pages/11184/Sacred-Profane-Sacred-Profane-since-Durkheim.html
As an example, the multicultural drivel of the past has been templated for you by our West Highland terrier called Danny: http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/comment/Analysis-on-Cameron39s-vision-of.6712194.jp
From tomorrow, we have a new king, Wilhelm V and a new kaiser is my colleague here Dame Angela Knight of Bankers Bonuses.
A special film produced by Lenny der Lowenbrau is to be re-released starring Colin Firth entitled David's Speech to the Masses at the Andechser Brewery. According to the rules of Durkheim and Bellah, it will be necessary for you to stand at the end of the showing of this wonderful film.