Saturday, 5 February 2011

Multiculturalism is dead in Ambridge

So said David Cameron at a summit in Munich today.  While Cameron, Hague and a former spook with a double barrelled name were doing the speeches and networks in Munich, loyal fans of this blog had taken up my advice and just flashed their copy and vox pops to head office, and were not taking the S-Bahn to Herrsching.  They piled into a fleet of BMWs, making outrageous comments about Mexican cars and women who don' t understand the off-side rule. 

The Cameron speech is having big problems in Ambridge as it affects some of the "minorities" who have been foisted on keen listeners to this 60 year old piece of propaganda. 

The following characters are likely to go:

Usha Gupta - too Hindu and a bit of syncreton;
the vicar, who seems to have a penchant for suntans;
Adam and Ian, who are living out the gay lifestyle in the country, for Gawd's sake;
little Roari (I don't think he's being brought up a Roman Catholic, but didn't Brian promise Shioban to bring him up as one?);
Helen must go - her immaculate conception was a travesty;
Jazza, must be a phoney.  Didn't he know that the poet Burns was a rabbi? 

We can thank Vanessa Whitburn for not foisting Sikhs, Buddhists and Muslims on us, in spite of the remonstrations of the Thought for the Day brigade presenters on the Radio 4 programme.  

Mr William Hague, the chief planning officer concerned with the new cattle market, forestry sell-off and relations with Egypt, Belarus, China, Russia and the IMF, is concerned about the FO and the Borchester hunt being cyber-attacked by lunatic tree huggers, animal rights activists and the RSPB.

Message to Vanessa: this should cut your available actors down to 2-3, which you can have pre-recorded.  How are you going to handle Camila Parker-Bowles at the charity shindig?  I've heard she's off the fags, so perhaps Adam and Ian are safe!  Will this do?

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