More Scots wedding couples turn to humanist marriages
There were more humanist weddings than Roman Catholic weddings in Scotland last year, according to new figures.
Welcome this Sunday morning to Edinburgh, where we’re going to discuss the M in our series on BMD, or life events. For many people marriage is a sacrament, an insurance policy or to quote Hattie Jacques “a bleeding ceremony.” It can involve a lot of money and it can be very expensive to undo. In fact at our conference of religious specialists in Edinburgh, we have decided to offer the alternative sacraments, i.e. De-baptism, D-I-V-O-R-C-E (in association with Sister Tammy and liberal Rabbi Midler both of Winnetka, Illinois), and the Ceremony of the Un-dead. For this, we have a voodoo specialist in addition to the usual orthodox Jewish, Buddhist and Hindu specialists. The concept of a ceremony for the un-dead will not be familiar to some Christians and Muslims.
As you can see, this blog has been attracting many followers since we have put in some colour and a few pictures. This one is of Mons Meg, one of our Belgian pieces of material culture. It is very useful in what used to be known as ‘shot gun weddings. These of course were in the bad old days (they were quite lucrative in Gretna Green) and now Mons Meg is much in desire for high status wedding rentals. We hope you found the link to a kilt rental shop useful in a previous post. They probably can’t arrange for Meg here to welcome your guests, shout at your congregation (in a good Presbyterian way). Mons Meg is much older than Radio Vatican – and a lot clearer. Mons Meg has been around a lot longer and though it wasn’t very healthy James II (he was killed when it backfired!) it can certainly not be accused of causing cancer as that abomination in Rome is alleged to. For the purpose of monetising marriage, we have to include the difficult subject of civil
partnerships, gay weddings, polygamy, polyandres, mixed weddings and we believe that with the advancement of science as reported from AAAS conference, transgenic and trans-species contract (Cardinal Keith is busy preparing a press release to condemn this).
Our local expert at the conference in George St, Edinburgh is the well known mujtahid Ayatollah Husain Pallaver. Ayatollah Husain has much experience in Leith sanctifying many marriages and he is quite sure that his 24 hour concubinage ceremonies meet with the approval of the authorities in Leith. You can see the women in their gowns at Easter Road for home games. The ladies are kept in purdah when a blue team or a green team from that city 44 miles to the west visits. Over to you Sheikh Husain.
Thank you for my welcome. It has been a pleasure to get on the bus from Leith. You will doubtless detect that many religious specialists are worried that humanist weddings have overtaken the Catholic church wedding in Scotland. I believe that we religious specialists should always go after what was known as altarage (honorarium stipend or stole the collection). They may be missing a trick and I would advise some of our Catholic religious specialists to take up the monetisation thought process of the Sussex Old Roman Catholics. (http://www.occesussex.co.uk/parishmissionfunds.htm)
I am well aware that Obreption has told you of the fissile nature of Presbyterianism. There is also some schism within the Roman Catholic and Anglo-Catholic communities in Edinburgh. Sadly, within our local Shi’ite community we have many fragmentary groupings, though not as many as can be found in Beirut. To be honest, on a bad day Leith can resemble Beirut, and many Lebanese feel at home under the protection of Mons Meg and for a £100 extra I will delegate one of my followers to utter suitable verses, though a guest appearance of the calibre of Reshma (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-H1W-sNiyw&feature=related) is very expensive. For an example of liturgy, we would refer you to Carry on Up the Khyber and Carry on up the Jungle. These two examples of film give us a window onto the world which would otherwise be obscured by obscurantism and ontological deficiencies. And now we must gather round and ask that you do not listen to our discussions on monetisation of Apps for the downloading of liturgy under cannon law.
Done Edinburgh Castle, 35,000 BCE.