Saturday, 5 March 2011

When will the nightmare end?

Lib Dems come in 6th in Barnsley Central. 

The Lib Dems produced an assortment of befuddled reasons why they were shat on by the good people of Barnsley Central.  The results of this by-election could have been foretold before Eric Ilsley decided to ask for ‘a room under the Crown.  This was Barnsley Central and given Mr Ilsley’s jail sentence, it would have taken a tsunami of psephologists to predict that the Lib Dem candidate would come 6th and that UKIP would come 2nd.

The results of the by-election took a long time to be announced and your intrepid blogger listened to it on BBC Radio5 Live.  The reporter on the scene (name forgotten) obviously had his ski mittens on as his abacus wasn’t swinging.  He had no recollection of numbers and the by-election upset the schedule for many insomniacs.  The drubbing of Clegg was a key focus (surely a focus is key?) for the attention of our great commentators.  As a psephologist in the real world of religious specialities, I can predict a lot more punditry, a lot more opinion, and all the old stalwarts resurrected from the graveyard, with a constitutional experts replacing the ones who have gone before. 

The reaction of most of the ‘broadsheet’ blogs has been to kick Clegg into pulp.  I don’t think I’ve sensed such vitriol towards a politician who one year ago was wowing the Great Unwashed.  If only he had become a Pentecostal minister, or even a bishop, he would have had them wowing in the aisles.  I find it really difficult to explain ‘the British government’ from this last election.  Clegg has had one unforeseen bit of good news for religious specialists – there has been a huge demand for anti-Clegg devices and I hear that the price of a Clegg effigy has soared in the unapproved Clegg Bank market ...

In the United Kingdom, there are a variety of elections taking place in May; the Welsh have just voted in a referendum on Welsh legislation.  There is great apathy about AV.  There have been a lot of candid exchanges in the blogosphere about AV and, without boasting, yours truly got several recommendations* (none of them self-inflicted!).  So far I have been flagged once and removed but that was a case of being too clever and mixing my metaphors.  Given that the turnouts in the Welsh referendum and the Barnsley Central by election were below 40%, one has only to ask if anyone is serious about AV.  The only people who will benefit will be the politicians, lobbyists and a bunch of phony forecasters.  Forecasting is for religious specialists.  We’ve seen it coming before.  We’ve predicted many births and rebirths and have created many ceremonies for ‘significant events.’  Earlier in the week, I heard an insolvency practitioner refer to insolvency events (this terminology floored the BBC Radio 5 journalist at the time).  The latest wheeze is multi-channelling.  I can feel Caitlan Matthews crooning and keening through the fractal plane …

For logistical reasons our article on Calvinism, Freemasonry in Saudi Arabia has been banned by order of the Saudi government.  In that case, we now have 4 contenders to have the symbol ‘V’ - currently held by Vanadium - redesignated.  Bids will close soon, but the psephologists predict a close competition with 4 variables, including Vedanta, Vatican, Vicariousness and Vanity. 
To our American viewers, we admit there were a few errors in our post from Nashville.  This was due to some instability on the internet and the article going on a bit.  Obviously Gordon was too keen, putting too many labels and even Google gave up.  Still it appears that Mike Huckabee, according to Time, has serious geographical awareness issues and should make a fine team if he and Nick Clegg ever get to discuss joint US-European foreign policy. 
If you think about it, his perspective as growing up in Kenya with a Kenyan father and grandfather, their view of the Mau Mau revolution in Kenya is very different from ours.”
Mike Huckabee, former Arkansas governor, stating incorrectly in a radio interview that President Obama grew up in Kenya; he later issued a statement saying he “misspoke” and “meant to say Indonesia,” where the Hawaii-born Obama spent some childhood years.  (source Time, March 14,2011)
When the voting system is changed (if), this will only encourage LibDems telling everyone that 'this seat is a tight marginal and we have the edge'. A friend of mine suffered LibDem pester and it turned out they came in a very poor 3rd after a boundary change. The British opinion polls can barely handle a choice of 3 parties. That's why America only has 2 parties. They rough up the candidates in the primaries. I've yet to hear any sense from Strathclyde's psephologist on the 4 variables in Wales or Scotland for the devolved elections.

During the last Scottish parliament election, there were many votes, many spoilt papers and a commentator on the BBC said 'surely 150,000 people in Scotland can't be that thick.' It was the commentator who was thick, as there were at least 3 votes held at the same time, but who counts these days...


  1. There is no Clegg Bank in the Bahnhofstrasse. Thought you'd like to know ...

  2. There's one on the River Tay in Perth. Not sure if it's left bank or right bank, or if its even solvent. Clegg is in de-Nile and we don't want riots here, but there is a nice jail in town.

  3. You're being very unfair on this blog to Nick Clegg and the LibDems. Why don't you report on the Labour party? The SNP? And more about sectarianism in Scotland?

    I see from one of the blogs you follow there is a reference to green tactitcal voting in Glasgow South Side. What's this?

    By the way, keep out of the Scotsman blog. It's ours!


  4. We thought you were the writer at the Daily Star – and is this an attempt at obreption one burqa too far?

    Re. Your 4 ‘V’ auction on d-bay, can I make an offer for Vedanta. 10 sound pictures sung by Saravati, simultaneously and at the same time !

  5. Do all you anonymouses:

    I have been well and truly chastised by a well-known Sunday newspaper and you can expect some sincere apology soon.

  6. I am confused - before Nick Clegg I thought PR was a good idea, now I'm not so sure ....

    Advise us, o Guru Ji ...


  7. Chastised?!!! I'm intrigued .... tell us more ... pleeeeeeeease