Wednesday, 23 March 2011

We are very big in phthalic

by our budget team Phthalic Ann Hyde-Ride and Dr Kafka Esk

The Orthoxylene Deficit

Professor Lord Obreption of Rockall is still in Florida and he has been advising his specialists to remember the structural deficit of Orthoxylene.  The structure is being hunted down by US Marshals and the deficit is believed to have arisen by the conversion of a huge volume of OX to PA.  The structure is shown below:


Note:  It is possible to insert your favourite politician in the Ring, though Cleggs have been cited as destabilising. 
When the twitter feeds came in from Der Spiegel (see,1518,752527,00.html &,1518,632514,00.html), Obreption asked to re-tweet interested parties about the said risk to certain plasticisers in baby articles such as toys.  At this time the team all remembered the joke about a senior politician boasting that they were very big in Phthalic.  This got us so excited, we decided to check out various toys which adults might use around the house.  If  you're worried about your toys, please see:

Various eminent celebrities had their opinion on the deficit crisis.  Their views are summarised below:

Dr A.V.O’Gadro: Sure I’ve got lots of plastic ducks in the bath.  Don’t tell me they’re oestrogen mimickers.  I can’t think who would want to imitate a man with a very high voice who delivers discussions on the Orthoxylene deficit.

Rev. Dr R.A. Footman (Papal Nuncio to Berwick):  I’ve lost my mitre and I don’t know where I left it.  I’m always doing these things.  It’s so distressing.  I must get the application for my Tablet to remind me of the catechesis.

‘Dame’ Cleo of Paxos: I was on Midweek this morning explaining the virtual reality of retreats.  We are much better than Lourdes and we can guarantee that all our material culture is tack-free.  We can assure our visitors that our Alpha courses and Omega courses are salt free and contain only ordinary Anglicans as approved by Farm St.
Dame Giselle Foot-Stomper DBE (Imperial Ballet): I remember when I was playing Queen of the Willis.  We were so jealous of that ghastly reporter Miss Ann Hyde-Ride, that we cracked her with a catalyst and sent her back for metamorphosis.  She was further converted from Paraxylene to Polyester via the DMT route and we are pleased to say that our Tutus are made of polyester as we incur no cruelty to silkworms. 

At this point there was a loud noise of tweets, blackberries and a huge raspberry from the Guardian about Mr Osbo and his dreadful speech.  Meanwhile back at the Carlton, plaudits were being raised concerning Mr Osbo and they thought Ed Milliband was quite funny (in parts). 

PS: It looks as if Vedanta is overtaking the Vatican for the element currently occupied by Vanadium.   


  1. This might brighten up this post:

  2. Here's another suggestion to liven the post - it's more symmetrical:

  3. All this talk of chemicals coming on the heels of the recent budget, reminded me of dumping and its consequences. How serendipitous then that I should happen on the following tit-bit:

    SNAP says problem priests sent to military
    Sun colleague Tricia Bishop reports:

    Advocates for victims of clergy abuse called Thursday for an investigation into its allegations that the Catholic Church purposely funneled problem priests into the chaplain corps of the U.S. military.

    You can read the full story on:

  4. Don't tell me this is another one of your monetising theories? Where has spirituality gone? Nevertheless, I will pray for you!

  5. What have you done with Clegg, the Klutz? He's no where to be found ....

  6. The number of protesters in London on Saturday has been estimated anywhere from 250,000 to 500,000. So is it possible to count?

    I saw your post and wondered whether the alleged chemical structure was in fact a coded message to the Met on crowd control?