Saturday, 19 March 2011

Cross reprieved – European Court of Human Rights says

by our Prasad specialist Prof. Clegg from Clegg Bakeries (Hot Cross Buns)

Judgment Lautsi and Others v. Italy
Traditional Hot Cross Buns recipe

As an atheist, though married to a Roman Catholic, I am pleased to announce that Hot Cross buns will continue to be allowed in the marketplace.  There has been some doubt concerning the giving of prasad after certain religious ceremonies and there has been some hysterical claims made by Mr Hilary Benn MP regarding Westminster Cathedral being sued for giving out free food, soup, tea and other forms of nutrition to the homeless. 


I would like to state that our Hot Cross buns have been approved by the Ministry of Defence as being fit for purpose for our brave boys as they fight over Libya.  My friend Dave Cameron has been leading the world in ensuring that Libyans will always be able to put a cross on their ballot papers in the same way as you will be able to do in our democratic referendum on AV ...

At this point, Nick Clegg cancelled all his engagements as a pile of rock cakes, stale bread and wasted food was piled on him to the sounds of Things Can  Only Get Better.  Professor Brian Cox announced that instead of crosses being placed in state schools, there ought to be a photograph of an eminent professor who can inspire all our young people to recognise the true values of science and not the mumbo jumbo of the symbology of the hot cross buns. 

We are told by the Evening Standard that Mrs Gove (Sarah Vine of the Times of London) interrupted and shouted out 'that Professor Cox's ego was "a body so large ... that it threatens to obscure ... the sun itself ... Not even Narcissus ... would have had the brass neck to stipulate ... long lingering shots of himself ..." Unfortunately, the rest was undecipherable as the paper had been used to cover a fish and chip takeaway and the words were obscured by vinegar (acetic acid) stains.  She did say afterwards that Michael loved to have 'heddock' from Peterhead, chips and guacamole on Fridays.

Ruth Archer, Religion commentator (Times of Ambridge), announced: I can’t  make hot cross buns for toffee, but my mother-in-law can make them very  well.  She always wins the WI prize and her simnel cakes, which are truly spiritual and very organic.  Our cows are sick and my cats’ just had kittens.  Oh NO ….

Mrs Lansley advised that: hot cross buns should be fat free, salt free, carbohydrate free, sugar free, and available in pill form from one of my consulting firms. 

The theological expert Theo Hobbs-Bunn said the theatre of the hot cross bun distribution is an important part of English spiritual ecclesiastical and liturgical tradition.  This ruling from the court is both ontologically and eat-ologically  sound.  Can we turn the noise down please! 


Prof Obreption sums up as follows:

This ruling has annoyed many atheists and humanists.  They would prefer to have deprived us of income streams from the sales of edible tack.  First they tried to ban chocolate eggs during Lent, then they tried to ban devout Calvinists from inserting the Ten Commandments into Tesco Finest chocolate eggs at risk to themselves.  We need more material culture.  While the rich can afford lovely crucifixes, the poor are always with us and can have their hot cross buns in peace.  

And I say to our followers in the LGBT section: there will be plenty of x-rated buns for your delectation.  You can have these after the banns have been read 3 times and the cock has crowed for your marriage at our special event piazza in Westminster - if we can get Westminster city council and the Archbishop of Westminster to agree on the liturgy and the composition of the said buns, and remember the Good Book says: Turn the Other Cheek!  There will be manna in heaven tonight. 
R Men!

ps:  the Dustbin Men collective wish to point out that these job creation schemes are good value for money.  We've had some technical problems with Obreption's transmissions between St Patrick's Day and Purim. The ethanol count has made the gamma-GT levels soar, resulting in some oracular dysfunction in the divination of the TOR message.  It had something to do with a side-dish of onion rings and ketchup.   


  1. Is it ok to offer hot cross buns as prasad to the gods? I know they were around long long before The Cross was inventend, but still ...

  2. You may be suffering from severe syncretism. In the Gita, Krishna asks only for some water or a flower; but of course, that is what is known dual vedanta or dveita. Not sure if you are a devotee of Shiva or Vishnu or perhaps Saraswati. You must sign up to my lecture program for vedanta, though I shall be starting with monist (i.e. non-dual) adveita. I'm sure your idols will appreciate anything you give, but this is not an apple for the teacher scenario. The PRASAD is a token of god's love for the act of ARTI, pooja, darshan and it is a token. If you come from a British heritage, you might find Hilary Benn MP describing food to the poor in Westminster. OM